This Is How The Cookie Crumbles
by Falling For Kames
Summary: When Kendall's feelings for his best friend become too much, his walls crumble down. Kames slash and character death.
1. Wobbling and Repetition

**Heya, friends!**

**So this is going to be sad... And inspired by a story by Moonbeam-987!**

* * *

Kendall rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, a worried expression on his face.

_God... This is getting to be too much..._

The blonde's teeth clattered as he glanced out of the window, his eyes settling on his best friend. Kendall winced and looked away, his body shaking uncontrollably.

_**Look at him...** _

_But isn't that the problem? Looking at him?_

**_Right._**

Kendall battled his thoughts, trying to calm down enough to lay down and rest for a while.

**_You're being irrational, Kendall._**

_No, I'm not._

**_Yes, you are._**

_How?_

The blonde stumped himself on that one, but his mind remained cluttered.

_How?_

Repetition.

_How?_

Repetition.

_How?_

Okay, there's no way those questions are all referring to the same subject.

**_Just go do it._**

Kendall's eyes shut tightly and his head stuffed itself into his hands. His head shook furiously.

_But I can't._

The blonde sighed. He knew his thoughts had a point, but he'd gone over the many scenarios and outcomes of doing exactly what his thoughts were referring to repeatedly and he couldn't do it.

**_Oh, but you can._**

Kendall closed his eyes and relaxed a tiny bit, taking deep, long, _slow_ breaths to calm down.

_I can't tell James I like him, thoughts._

The blonde sighed and continued retaliating.

_It doesn't work that way._

* * *

**So tell me how it is so far. I know it's short, but I might make it into a story. Depending on what you all think.**


	2. Voices and Blades

Alright, so I couldn't bring myself to wait for reviews because...

Well..

YOU GUYS WERE TAKING YOUR SWEET FUCKING TIME, WEREN'T YA?

Anywho, let's get on with it!

* * *

Kendall's eyes twitched involuntarily as he tried to scroll through Tumblr, hands shaking.

_Why is it destroying me like this?_

The blonde closed his eyes for a moment before focusing his gaze back on his phone. He didn't even _like _Tumblr.

**_You need to tell him._**

_Uhm, let me think about it..._

**_Yeah?_**

_How about no, thou- JESUS CHRIST WHY DID I THINK TUMBLR WOULD HELP_

Kendall leaped off of the bed, completely losing it, as he suddenly scrolled to find a set of photos- all featuring the blonde and James. He dropped his phone and curled up on the floor, breathing heavy.

He had to stop liking James.

**_But you _can't _stop liking him._**

_Yes I can._

**_You love him._**

Kendall's breath hitched and he let out a sob, whimpers slipping from his lips.

It was true. He loved his best friend.

**_And you should tell him._**

The blonde shook his head frantically, slightly frustrated at his mind's persistence.

_I just... _

**_Can't?_**

_Exactly._

Kendall sighed and wobbled to his feet. This happened _every single_ _day._

* * *

The tired blonde stretched up from his place on the floor, realizing that he had been sleeping for... He checked his phone.

An hour.

Kendall shook his head and pulled himself up, letting out a yawn before taking a glance out the window.

The blonde flinched when he saw James sitting with a petite brunette girl, his arm around her slim waist.

**_Makes you feel bad, doesn't it?_**

_Shut up. You aren't helping._

**_I'm your imaginary mind opponent. I can only help when _you make _me help._**

Kendall groan when he realized that the voice was right. The blonde mindlessly turned back to the window eyes shut tightly.

Slowly opening his eyes back up to the bright light emitting from the sun, he stared up, his mind trying helplessly to avert his focus.

**_You can't stop thinking about James. He's your everything._**

_But I'm not his._

**_You won't know until you tell him._**

Kendall suddenly found himself growing fond of the voice in his head, even though it was really hisvoice.

The blonde's peacefulness abruptly stopped though when he lower his gaze back down to the pool to witness James sucking faces with the girl.

Kendall's breath caught and suddenly a ton of bricks were dropped on his heart, a tear slipping from his eye.

_I can't take it anymore!_

**_Kendall, stop. What you're thinking about doing isn't going to help._**

The blonde shook his head, choosing to ignore the voice.

You're _not helping._

And with that Kendall ran to the bathroom, all intentions set on ridding his brain of the voice, his heart, _James._

Kendall stuffed his hand into his bathroom drawer, desperately reaching around for what he was looking for.

_The razor._

The blonde's hand finally grazed past it and he smiled a bittersweet smirk, his hands shaking as he slowly removed the razor from its cover.

_**This isn't going to solve anything, Kendall.**_

_Who the fuck cares?_

Kendall fidgeted as he devilishly grinned down at the razor and situated it in his nimble fingers, lowering it to his wrist.

_**Kendall, stop.**_

_No._

**_The girl was probably just a groupie._**

The blonde frowned at this and slashed the small razor blade across his wrist, squealing quietly at both the pain and pleasure that shot up his arm.

_**Well that didn't help.**_

_Oh yes, it did. _

Kendall smiled down lustfully at his wrist as he dragged the blade across his wrist once again, but more slowly this time.

_**Kendall, just-**_

"Kenny?"

* * *

OOOOOOOOOH. Cliffhanger!

So before you think I'm all heartless and shit, I was actually crying while I wrote that. Legit.

Review please!


	3. Collapse Then Contemplate

Damn I'm updating like a boss.

Anywho, thank you for the reviews, **Sassy Kames, Doomedphsyx2030, Chey21, Swayzee Sweetheart, **and our guest- **sofia.**

**Sassy** **Kames**- Sorry. Had to. :3**  
Swayzee Sweetheart- **I'm not trying to sound like I'm bragging about my writing or whatever, but I do like how the voice is more of an encouraging voice. ...Like it's Kendall's rational side. Thank you for reviewing.  
**Doomedphsyx2030**- Now you know lol :D  
**Chey21**- WOAH NOW I AM WAY TOO YOUNG FOR THE WORD LOVE OKAY. loljk but thank you! :3

By the way, Sassy Kames, I miss you.

(yeah okay that was kinda creepy and weird and random wasn't it)

* * *

Kendall only slightly tilted his head toward the door, a tired, bittersweet smirk gracing his lips.

_**Kendall, you have to stop!**_

_Nah, but thanks for the offer. I might possibly never consider it._

"Hey, Carlos, Logan," the blonde slurred, his hand moving up to press the razor blade to his mouth. His hungry tongue slid out and licked his blood, a long cut now running down the middle of the wet appendage.

"Kendall!" Carlos darted forward and snatched the razor from his hand, the blonde's expression going blank before he grinned.

_**What is wrong with you?**_

_I don't know, but it feels **great.**_

And with that Kendall's eyes rolled back and he collapsed, Logan darting forward to catch his friend.

* * *

Carlos was crying by this time, clutching thoughtlessly to Logan's bicep. The smart boy was wrapping the wrist of unconscious male in his lap quickly, in desperation to make Kendall stop bleeding; at the same time he murmured comforting words to his Latino friend.

_**Yo, Ken. Wake up.**_

_No._

**_Oh look. The man of the hour is awake._**

Kendall grunted at the voice and started to sit up, mindlessly pushing away from Logan.

The smart boy shot the blonde a warning glance before nudging Carlos, the small boy blinking his red, puffy eyes open.

"KENNY!" The Latino yelled in happiness and pulled him in for a hug. "_I thought we lost you._"

"Yeah well," Kendall grumbled in slight anger. "You didn't lose shit." With that Carlos pulled away, a glare now being shot at the blonde from both Logan and the Latino.

_**They care about you too.**_

_But James doesn't._

**_He's still your best friend, whether you like him as more or not._**

_It doesn't feel that way._

**_All you have to do is _tell _him._**

Kendall sighed at the last part, moving to stand up.

"No." Logan pulled the blonde back down, staring at him intensely. "Why'd you do this?"

_**Because Kendall's a pussy.**_

_Ah, why don't you just shut up._

**_Why don't you just_ ****make _me shut up. Literally. You actually have the power to do that._**

Kendall frowned and pressed himself against the bathroom counter awkwardly, unsure of what to tell them.

_**Let them in.**_

That was the only real rational thing the voice had said in a while.

_The only thing is..._

_Am I ready to let them in on my secret?_

* * *

*dances*

UPDATIN' LIKE A BOSS, MOTHAFUCKAS.

Please, please, please review and I'll keep updating quickly!

And tell your friends, friends of friends, friends of your grandmother, cousins of your neighbor's aunt's dog, and your mom, please.


	4. Confessions and Disbelief

So I was reading the name of this fic over, and over, and over, _and over, and over _again, and it seems that the cookie is a metaphor for Kendall.

Kendall=cookie

cookie=Kendall

Hm.

Anywho, shout-outs... **Swayzee Sweetheart, LilRed29621 **aaaaaaaaaaand... That's it.

**Swayzee**- I'm working on ONOUCBTDM _will _be updated soon- probably tonight- but it's a much more developed, intense plotted story, so it'll take longer than this one. Thanks for reassuring me that _someone _likes my stuff! :3  
**Bradleya- **I just.. *sniffles* I just LOVE YOU.

Anywho, here's chappy 4!

* * *

_**Well?**_

_Shut up. I'm contemplating._

**_Great. Not that you haven't been doing that ever since you met James._**

Kendall sneered at the voice, almost forgetting about the two boys waiting for an answer.

"I'm going to get James," Carlos announced loudly and popped up, making his way to the bathroom door.

"NO!" The blonde exclaimed, both Logan and Carlos now staring at him. "I mean... That wouldn't be a very good idea."

**_'Nice job,' I say facetiously. Hey look, even _I**_ **agree with myself!**_

_Be mature._

_**I am. But are you?**_

Kendall let out a stress-filled sigh, watching with dread as his Latino friend set off to get their other bandmate.

"Okay. Spill," Logan ordered, staring at his friend intensely.

The blonde bit the inside of his lip, feeling a bit better about telling his secret since Carlos had left.

_**Let Logan in. Let **_**James**_** in.**_

_I guess..._

"I'm in love with James," Kendall whispered as quiet as he could, expecting an irrational reaction.

"What? I couldn't hear you," Logan complained, frowning at the blonde.

_**Come on, Kendall. Stop being a pussy. Man up. **_**Be brave.**

_Shut up. You don't know what I'm going through._

**_Actually, I know exactly what you're going through. Don't forget: _I'm you.**

Kendall nodded, determination lighting his gaze.

"I-"

"KEN!" James' voice rang throughout the apartment, a strong feeling of worry coming from him.

**_See, he does care about you._**

_Proof?_

_**Whatever. Don't believe me.**_

_I want to._

* * *

I felt like this was a decent place to stop so...

Ha!

Review, favorite, alert, follow, etc, etc, etc!

Hurry your slow little asses up!


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